Insanity in the Soul Society
by Agent HUNK
Summary: When Agent HUNK and his friend Dr. Insane O end up in the Soul Society, chaos ensues. Seperated and hunted by Soul Reapers, they both find themselves in many odd and bizarre situations. REOPENED! I'm redoing the ending, and making this story longer!
1. Soul Society Insanity

So me and my friend, who shall be referred to as Dr. Insane-O, were on the phone talking about Bleach. As always, I was asking him for advice and ideas for my stories. Somehow, we came up with a seriously zanny and bizarre idea. What if our fan fic personas, Agent HUNK and Doctor Insane-O, somehow got into the Soul Society?

This is the result of that conversation.

Readers of my stories should be familiar with Agent HUNK and Dr. Insane-O. If you aren't, well... You should still understand everything. So sit back, read the story, and enjoy some laughs.

Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach.

* * *

The calm tranquility of the Soul Society was shattered by a bright flash of light. Everyone ran for cover, trying to hide from from the two strangers now standing in the midst of their home. One was wearing a black uniform with a bullet proof vest, elbow and knee pads, a helmet, and a gas mask with red goggles. The man next to him had short brown hair and was wearing a black tuxedo, a red tie, a lab coat, and two monocles. The two men stood shaking their heads, trying to figure out what had just happened. 

"Where are we?" the man in black shook his head.

"I dunno..." the guy in the lab coat stared at their surroundings. "I don't see anyone..."

"Oh, I know where we are!" the man in black suddenly pointed a finger into the air in triumph.

"And where would that be, Agent HUNK?" the other man crossed his arms and waited for an answer.

"We're in the Soul Society, my dear friend!" Agent HUNK exclaimed.

"The Soul Society?" his friend arched an eyebrow. "As in from Bleach?"

"Yes, Dr. Insane-O!" Agent HUNK nodded his head. "The Soul Society, where dead people go!"

"YOU KILLED ME!!!" Dr. Insane-O suddenly lunged forward and grabbed Agent HUNK by the throat. He started shaking him around, trying to choke his 'friend' to death. "ALL I WANTED WAS TO GO GET PIZZA, AND YOU KILLED ME!!! I'M DEAD!!! I'M DEAD, AND NOW I'M GONNA KILL YOU!!!"

"We... aren't... dead!" Agent HUNK gasped.

"Oh..." Dr. Insane-O dropped his friend onto the dirt. "I'm sorry, buddy. I kinda lost it there..."

"Yeah..." Agent HUNK sat on the ground trying to catch his breath. "I'd say you did..."

A sudden rumbling noise filled the air. "Wassat?" the crazy doctor looked around.

"Uh oh!" Agent HUNK looked up in the air. "GET OUT OF THE WAY!!!"

Agent HUNK dove to the left. Dr. Insane-O dove to the right. The moment they did, a large stone wall slammed down between them. The two men scrambled to their feet and stared at the massive barricade now seperating them from each other. They both knew what it was. It was the wall around the Seireitei, where the Soul Reapers lived. "THATS A BIG WALL!!!" Dr. Insane-O exclaimed.

"Seriously? I thought it looked kinda short..." Agent HUNK laughed on the other side.

"Dude, lets get out of here. Do your little hand clap thing and take me to the pizza shop like we planned," Dr. Insane-O didn't seem to be having fun.

"Dude, we're in the Soul Society!" Agent HUNK obviously thought differently. "Lets have some fun!"

"We're on opposite sides of a giant wall, and more than likely we're seperated for good! Just get us out of here!" Dr. Insane-O yelled.

"Okay, okay..." Agent HUNK huffed. "Next stop: Pizza shop!" he held up his hands in the air. He would simply clap his hands together and use his abilities as an Author to take them to the pizza shop. Or at least, that was the plan. But what happened next threw that plan into chaos.

**_WHAM!!!!_**

"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!" Agent HUNK jumped at the sound of Dr. Insane-O screaming. His terror-stricken voice seemed to be going further and further away, and it was followed by several loud crashes in the distance.

"Dr. Insane-O!" Agent HUNK yelled. "What's going on?!"

"I'm sorry, but your friend is no longer in the general area," a loud, booming voice answered him from the other side.

Agent HUNK sighed. He knew that voice. He knew a lot about the Soul Society and its residents, while Dr. Insane-O was pretty much clueless. The voice on the other side belonged to the Gate Guard Jidanbo, who had more than likely just killed his friend. "Did you kill him?" Agent HUNK sighed.

"I only slapped him with the side of my axe," Jidanbo replied. "But I doubt anybody could survive that..."

"You'd be surpised with Dr. Insane-O," Agent HUNK grumbled.

"Excuse me," a voice behind Agent HUNK made him growl in frustration. He turned around, already knowing who was there. Gin Ichimaru, the Captain of the 3rd Shinigami Division, was standing there with his characteristic smirk upon his face. "How did you get in here?"

"I jumped," Agent HUNK shrugged. "In the wrong direction, it would seem..."

"Yes, yes it would indeed seem you jumped in the wrong direction," Gin replied. "Who are you?"

"I'm just a guy in Kevlar who has bad luck," Agent HUNK sighed.

"What is your name, I mean?" Gin was acting quite civilized. Agent HUNK knew that was a bad sign.

"Agent HUNK. You can call me Agent HUNK, H, or just HUNK," he replied.

"I see," Gin nodded his head. "Well, Mr. HUNK, I'm sorry to tell you this, but tresspassing in Seireitei is a serious crime."

"I know, I know," Agent HUNK nodded his head, well aware of what was about to happen. "Now let me guess... You're going to kill me, aren't you Mr. Ichimaru?"

"Hm, you know my name?" Gin smiled. "You must be psychic or something, because you were right about the other thing." Casually, he withdrew his Zanpakto from its sheathe.

"Um, can't we talk about this?" Agent HUNK backed up against the wall. "I mean, I just made a simple mistake..."

"You still broke the law..." Gin pointed the small sword at the tresspasser. "You must be punished."

"Well, if I'm already a criminal..." Agent HUNK shrugged. He then took off running as fast as he could past Gin. "I might as well add resisting arrest and running for my life!"

"Oh, like that will work..." Gin's smirk grew. He pointed his Zanpakto at the fleeing criminal. "Impale him, Shinso."

"What's that noise?" Agent HUNK looked over his shoulder as he ran. He screamed when he saw the blade of a sword streaking towards him at alarming speed. "AAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!! I FORGOT ABOUT THAT!!!"

**_WMAM!!!_**

Agent HUNK was struck in the chest since he had been turned around to look at the incoming weapon. The sword continued to grow longer, taking him with it on its trip across the Seireitei. Finally, Gin halted the Zanpakto's advance, but Agent HUNK continued to fly backwards. Eventually, he hit the ground and rolled about 57 times before coming to a halt. He staggered to his feet and dusted himself off like nothing had happened. "BULLET PROOF VEST, BABY!!! HAHAHAHAH!!!" Agent HUNK pointed at the small cut on his Kevlar vest. "Uh oh..." he celebration was cut short as Gin's Zanpakto came streaking towards him yet again. "HOW FAR CAN THAT THING GO?!" Agent HUNK screamed just before getting hit in the chest again and taking another ride across the Seireitei.

* * *

And so it begins. If you would like to let me know how you think, please write a review for this story. That would be greatly appreciated. Advice, compliments, flames, anything would be nice. So please review! 


	2. Blinded by the Light

Hm. Not many people are reading this story, compared to my other ones... Plenty of people are reviewing, however, which makes me happy! Thank you very much!

Anyway, lets get on with this twisted tale.

* * *

Dr. Insane-O continued to scream as he sailed through the sky. He was zooming across the Soul Society just a few feet off the ground, and every few seconds he would crash through one side of a building and out the other. This went on for about a minute before he finally lost speed and hit the ground. He rolled far too many times to count before slamming into a tree and coming to a stop. He stood facing the tree for a few seconds, and then he dropped to the ground limply and didn't get back up. "That was fun..." he commented once he'd recovered from the shock and awe of what he'd been through. 

Dr. Insane-O stood up and dusted himself off. A few people were staring at him from inside their houses. A few of the braver ones had actually comes outside for a better view. "Hey look, people!" Dr. Insane-O stumbled forward. "Maybe they can help me find... something!" He staggered over to a wise old man standing by his front door. "Excuse me my good sir, can you tell me where I can find a job?"

"A job?" the old man stared at him in confusion. He had no idea who this crazy guy was, what he wanted, or why he was dressed so stupidly.

"Yeah, a job," he replied. "I'm stuck here, so I assume I'll need a source of income. Where can I find a job?"

"Aw, poor thing. Did you just recently die?" the old man seemed to feel sorry for new arrivals to the Soul Society.

"I dunno. I DID just get thrown through a lot of walls..." Dr. Insane-O removed a small sliver of wood from his hair.

"Hm. Well, I'm afraid I cannot tell you a reliable source. You see, many of the people here do not have jobs, so you're going to have to fight tooth and nail to get one before them," the old man replied.

"Tooth and nail?" Dr. Insane-O arched an eyebrow. "So I'll need a weapon, too... Oh hey, what's your job?"

"I don't have a job," the old man shook his head.

"Then how do you support yourself and make money?" Dr. Insane-O stared at the old man.

"Stocks and stuff," the old man smirked at him.

"Oh, right..." he nodded his head and turned to walk away. "Right, right... stocks and stuff..."

---

"Ouuuuuch..." Agent HUNK was sprawled out on the ground, staring at the sky. He'd been thrown around the Seireitei several times, and his kevlar vest had quite a few dents and gouges in it. He was too tired to get up and run again, so he figured he'd just sit there for a minute and catch his breath. At least it was a bright and sunny day. "I wonder if it rains in the Soul Society..." he thought out loud.

"It rains blood, if you're lucky..." a voice chuckled from behind him.

H tilted his head back enough to see who it was. "Oh snap..." he muttered weakly. Zaraki Kenpachi was standing behind him, a sly smile plastered across his face.

"So you're the guy Gin was talking about..." Kenpachi surveyed the tresspasser. "Yeah... you look strong..." he seemed to be talking more-so to himself than Agent HUNK.

"Strong?" Agent HUNK chuckled. "Mr. Zaraki, I am afraid you are mistaken. I would not present much a of a challenge to you. Fighting me would be waste of your time."

"Heh, how'd you know my name?" Kenpachi smirked. "And I'm pretty sure you'd be a good challenge. Don't sell yourself short. Now get up and fight me."

"That's okay, I'll pass," Agent HUNK waved at him from the ground.

"No. You won't. **Get up!**" Kenpachi snarled.

"Dude! I just got impaled 7 times and thrown all over the Seireitei! Give me a minute to catch my-" Agent HUNK was interupted by Kenpachi reaching down and grabbing him by the throat. He then lifted him off the ground and stood him up on his feet. "Breath..."

"Now draw your weapon and fight me..." Kenpachi placed his hand on the hilt of his Zanpakto.

"Er..." Agent HUNK looked around for some way out of this bizarre situation. There wasn't one. "Um... hey wait!" he suddenly exclaimed. "Before we fight, can I do something real fast? It won't be a problem. I want to take a photograph of you to show my friends if I survive!"

"A photograph?" Kenpachi looked at him in confusion. "What is that?"

"Ta-da!" Agent HUNK pulled a polaroid camera out from behind is back. "Long story short, I press a button and a piece of paper will come out with an image of you on it."

"Hm, I suppose so..." Kenpachi shrugged.

"Great! Now just smile, and I'll..." Agent HUNK hit the flash. Kenpachi screamed and clawed at his eye in agony. "RUN FOR MY LIFE!!!!!" And with that, Agent HUNK took off running, hoping to escape before his opponent's vision returned.

---

"I've got to get some cash, or a weapon... or both..." Dr. Insane-O walked through the crowd of spirits around, lost in thought. "There's got to be an easy way to... aha!"

Standing up ahead was a Soul Reaper. He was just an average run-of-the-mill Shinigami. He was standing there smoking, completely unaware of what Dr. Insane-O was planning. Sneakily, the madman crept up behind the Soul Reaper and reached into his lab coat. He pulled out a rubber chicken, his only weapon. Slowly, he raised it into the air, and with a fierce battle cry, brought it down on the Soul Reaper's head. The Shinigami slowly turned around to see what had hit him. "_What_ are you doing?"

"Trying to kill you with a rubber chicken and take your stuff..." Dr. Insane-O shrugged.

**_WHAM._**

The Soul Reaper drew his Zanpakto and smashed the handle into Dr. Insane-O's face. He fell to the dirt in a crumpled heap. The Soul Reaper smirked, sheathed his weapon, and walked away. "THOU HAST FELLED THE INSANE-O!!!" Dr. Insane-O exclaimed, pointing a weak finger at the sky. "OF EXPERIENCE, THOU HAST GAINED NONE!!!"

* * *

Madness. Plain and simple madness. Review, please! 


	3. Failure to Communicate

Woohoo, people are lovin' this story! Thanks to all the people who are reading and reviewing. Reviews are quite nice.

Anyway, lets get back to the story.

Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy, or any of its characters.

Also, this is set during the first few episodes of Bleach. Rukia hasn't been captured, and in fact no one knows what has happened to her. How will this come into play later? I dunno. I just didn't feel like butchering the anime plot too much...

* * *

"There's got to be a way for me to make some cash..." Dr. Insane-O grumbled as he sat on a street corner, nursing a black eye. "Lets see... I could open a doctor's office... But do dead people need doctors? Can dead people die? Or would they just get back up? Hm..." 

Dr. Insane-O suddenly noticed an all-too-familiar person walking by. Wearing a pink and red dress with long brown hair tied back, he recognized the woman immediately. Aries, the most hated Final Fantasy character EVER. According to him, at least. A wicked grin spread across his face, and he staggered to his feet. He was about to find out if dead people could die.

---

"Phew, I think I lost him..." Agent HUNK sank to his knees in an alley, completely out of breath. "This is bad. Very bad... I'm lost in the Seireitei, everybody wants to kill me, Dr. Insane-O is probably dead, and I'm HUNGRY!!!" he yelled at no one in particular. "Maybe I should find a restaruant..."

A few minutes later, Agent HUNK swaggered into a small restaraunt. All of the patrons, most of whom were Soul Reapers, stared at him as he walked into the room. Without a word, he walked over to a table, sat down, and began to peruse a menu. Several of the men looked back and forth at each other, nodding and gesturing towards the stranger. The waitresses and most of the women slowly made their way to the back of the store. Trouble was brewing. "Escuse me, sir..." a waiter waltzed over to Agent HUNK's table.

"Yes? Oh, do you want my order?" he stared up at the man through his red-tinted goggles.

"Of course, sir. But first, what is your name?" the waiter pulled out a small notebook and prepared to take his order.

"Why do you need my name?" Agent HUNK asked.

"In case you want to start a tab, or something of the sort," the waiter replied.

"Oh, okay. My name is Agent HUNK," he replied.

"It's him!" several of the Soul Reaper's jumped up from their seats and drew their swords.

"You're the guy Captain Gin was talking about," one Shinigami growled.

"We have orders to kill you on sight!" another one barked.

"Prepare to die, criminal!" With that, the Soul Reapers charged at Agent HUNK, his sword raised high above his head to strike.

"Wait!" Agent HUNK held up his hands innocently, causing all of his attackers to stop. "Before you slay me mercilessly, can I say something?"

"Hmph, I suppose so..." a few of them shrugged.

"Great!" Agent HUNK smiled. He picked up a salt shaker and started to casually unscrew the top.

"What are you doing?" the Shinigamis stared at him.

"Normally I would say something sarcastic or make a joke about salt, but nothing is coming to mind. So I'll just say something simple, like-" He suddenly swung his arm outward, the salt shaker clutched in his hand. The top flew off and salt filled the air. Most of the Soul Reaper's screamed as the sodium chloride flew into their eyes. "SCREW YOU!!!" Agent HUNK yelled, jumping to his feet and running for the door.

"Kill him!" the Shinigamis who could still see raced after him.

"Gotta run, gotta run, gotta get away!" Agent HUNK ran out the door and down the street, ignoring the growing number of bloodthirsty screams behind him. He continued to run down several streets, unable to find a suitable escape route. "Don't look back, don't look back, don't look... Oh, I've gotta look back," he glanced over his shoulder and screamed at the sight of a large group of Soul Reaper's chasing him. "I shouldn't have looked back, I shouldn't have looked back!"

A few minutes later, and the chase came to an end. Agent HUNK ran down a dead end street and found himself face-to-face with a fence. Sighing sadly, he turned to face the small army behind him. They slowly approached him and formed a semi-circle around the cornered criminal. "Heh, nowhere left to run..." one of the Shinigami sneered. He seemed to be in charge of this little group.

"Why do you want to kill me? I've done nothing wrong!" Agent HUNK exclaimed.

"You're guilty of tresspassing in Soul Society, breaking into the Seireitei, several counts of assault, and quite a few other charges," the Soul Reaper told him.

"Where I come from, some of those charges would be under self defense..." he grumbled. "What about innocent until proven guilty?"

"Okay, this guy's getting on my nerves..." one Soul Reaper grumbled. "Can we go ahead and kill him?"

"Yeah, lets kill this guy..." several Soul Reaper's nodded in agreement. They all drew their swords and slowly advanced towards the seemingly unarmed man.

"Wait, wait, wait! Can I say one more thing?" Agent HUNK pleaded.

"Urgh..." the leader sighed. "What?!"

"I would just like to inform you..." Agent HUNK clapped his hands together. There was a small flash of light, and instantly a rather strange object appeared in his hands. "That guns are better than knives..." he pumped the slide of the shotgun he was now holding.

---

"Gimme a sword..." Dr. Insane-O told the old man standing behind the counter at the sword store.

"How will you be paying, sir?" the old man asked him.

"With whatever is in here," he shrugged and placed a blood-stained pink purse on the counter.

"Hm," the old man didn't seem to put 2 and 2 together. "What type of sword, sir?"

"Hm..." Dr. Insane-O thought about it for a second. "I'm kinda partial to those old Rapier swords. Gimme two of those, if you don't mind..."

Not long afterwards, Dr. Insane-O swaggered out of the sword store with two shiny new rapiers hanging from either side of his waist. "Not too shabby..." he smirked. "Now that I've got a weapon, I need a place to hang out. If that pink witch was here, then maybe I can find another dead person who is nice and can't help but allow me to be their roommate. Lets see... who's dead and nice?"

* * *

Will Agent HUNK be able to fight his way to freedom? Will Dr. Insane-O find a place to live? Find out next time! 


	4. It Could Be Worse

Hm. While this story has gotten some attention, its a bit lacking in hits compared to my other fics. Perhaps a re-write of the summary will get some more attention...

Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Not Bleach, not Final Fantasy, not Resident Evil, not anything. I own _nothing._ So please don't sue me.

* * *

**_CRASH!!!_**

"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!" Dr. Insane-O screamed as he was hurled through a house's first-floor window. Glass flew everywhere, and he landed in the middle of the street with a dull thud.

"AND STAY OUT!!!" a voice yelled from inside the house.

"Jerk..." Dr. Insane-O staggered to his feet and dusted himself off. "I figured Captain America would be nice and let me stay with him. Instead, he throws me through a friggin' window. How rude! Now lets see... who else can I ask?"

---

**_CRASH!!!_**

"AAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!" Dr. Insane-O screamed as he, once again, was thrown through a first-floor window and into the street.

"AND DON'T COME BACK!!!" a voice yelled from inside the house.

"Teddy Roosevelt seemed a bit nicer in the history books..." Dr. Insane-O sat up and flicked bits of glass off his coat. "Wait, I know somebody who can't deny my request!"

---

**_CRASH!!!_**

"WEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!" Dr. Insane-O exclaimed as he flew out of a window. This time, it was on the third floor.

**_THUD._**

"Okay, that hurt..." he whimpered after landing in a crumpled heap.

"IF I EVER SEE YOU NEAR MY ----ING HOUSE AGAIN I WILL ----ING KILL YOU, GOT IT?!" an incredibly angry man screamed from inside the house.

"Dude, Ghandi has anger issues..." Dr. Insane-O grumbled as he crawled away.

---

"This sucks..." Dr. Insane-O sat down weakly in front a restaraunt as the sun began to set. "I'm lost, hungry, and Agent HUNK is probably dead..." he sighed sadly. "Which means I'm stuck here for good. Stupid jerk, dying before letting me escape this nightmare..." he grumbled, clearly showing no remorse for his friend's probable 'death' in the Seireitei.

"Did you hear the news?" one man asked his friend as he walked by the restaraunt.

"What news?" the friend replied.

"Some guy killed 22 Soul Reapers in the Seireitei," the man told him with a hushed tone. Dr. Insane-O arched an eyebrow.

"Twenty two?!" the man's friend was shocked by the number of fallen Shinigami. "How?"

"They said he had a stick that spouted great bursts of flame and thunder, and with it he cut them down with no mercy!" the man explained to him. A smile started to form on Dr. Insane-O's face.

"What? Impossible!" the friend shook his head.

"I'm serious! He's the most wanted guy in the Soul Society. What did they say the guy's name was?" the man scratched his chin, trying to remember. "Monk? Krunk?"

"HUNK!!!" Dr. Insane-O jumped to his feet and exclaimed.

"Huh?!" the two men stared at him.

"Which way to the Seireitei?!" Dr. Insane-O asked them.

"That way..." one of them pointed to his right. "But-"

"Thank you!" Dr. Insane-O took off running down the street.

"Jidanbo's gonna slaughter the poor guy..." the man shook his head.

"Wanna go watch?" the other asked.

"Sure!" he nodded his head eagerly. "Lets go!"

---

"Lovely. Just lovely. Out of the frying pan and into the searing flames of Hades..." Agent HUNK sighed sadly. He was sitting up on top of a 3 story building, watching the sunset in solemn silence. Laying in his lap was a pump-action shotgun, the weapon with which he had slain all of his attackers with. "First tresspassing, then assault, and now murder. I guess self-defense doesn't count for anything in this place..." he shook his head and sighed. "Oh well, at least the sunset is relaxing!" he chimed merrily.

Meanwhile, while he was enjoying the relaxing sunset, the Seireitei was in an uproar. Soul Reapers were searching every inch of the city, martial law had been declared, and the Captains of the 13 Divisions had all been given one simple order: Slay the intruder known as Agent HUNK.

---

"Hurray, the gate!" Dr. Insane-O exclaimed as he raced towards the gate to the Seireitei. But just as he neared the entrance, Jidanbo dropped down out of nowhere and blocked his path. "Woah now, somebody eats their vegetables..."

"Halt, who goes there?" Jidanbo glared down at the man in front of him. "Hm? Didn't I already deal with you this morning?"

"Huh?" Dr. Insane-O was unsure what he was talking about. "Wait, are you the guy that made me fly?"

"Heh heh, yes. I'm surpised anyone could survive such a blow from my axe, even if it was the side and not the blade..." Jidanbo chuckled.

"I'm just that tough," Dr. Insane-O bragged. Actually his lab coat was indestructable and it protected him from most injuries, but nobody needed to know that.

"Hmph. Well, I can't let you through this gate, so just turn around and go home," Jidanbo smiled.

"Sorry, but I need to get through that gate. I've got to find my friend so he can take me home," Dr. Insane-O replied.

"I'm sorry, but you can't go through," Jidanbo repeated his warning.

"Oh c'mon! Just let me in, dude!" Dr. Insane-O started to walk forward, but a giant axe slamming into the ground inches in front of him made him stop. "On second thought, staying out here sounds nice..."

"I'm glad you see it my way," Jidanbo chuckled.

"Can I at least wait by the gate in case he comes out?" Dr. Insane-O asked innocently.

"Sure, I suppose so..." Jidanbo shrugged.

"Okay..." Dr. Insane-O walked over to the wall and sat down next to the gate. After a few minutes of silence, Dr. Insane-O looked up at the big guy standing next to him. "So how much did that axe cost?"

---

Night had fallen in the Soul Society. Agent HUNK had fallen asleep atop the building, shotgun still clutched tightly in his hands. As he sat there silently slumbering, gravity started to take effect. Slowly, he began to tilt foward towards the edge of the roof. Finally, the laws of physics took over. Seconds later, Agent HUNK found himself wide awake sprawled out in the middle of the street. "Owwwwww..." he groaned. "Oh well, this is comfortable, too..." Seconds later, he was asleep again. He sat there sleeping peacefully, but he was soon awoken by a foot slamming into his gut. "HURGK!!!" he gasped, contorting his body in response to the blow.

"Get up," a familiar voice growled.

"Oh no..." Even in the darkness, Agent HUNK could make out the ominous form of Kenpachi Zaraki.

* * *

Bum bum bummmmmm. Will Dr. Insane-O find a way into the Seireitei? Will Kenpachi slaughter Agent HUNK? Find out next time! Review please! 


	5. That Came Out Wrong

Hm. Judging from the hits per chapter, I can safely assume that around 50 people like this story. So this should make 50 people happy.

Here's a new chapter.

* * *

"Get up," Kenpachi growled again. 

"Look dude, I don't want to fight you..." Agent HUNK grumbled, staggering to his feet.

"Heh, yeah. Like you didn't want to fight those Soul Reapers? I saw what you did to them," Kenpachi chuckled. "This is going to be great."

"They were just footsoldiers..." Agent HUNK shrugged. He looked around on the ground for his shotgun, but in the darkness he couldn't find it. "Crap..." he grumbled.

"I'll give you five seconds to draw your weapon..." The moonlight reflected vibrantly off the Captain's teeth as he flashed a half-crazed grin.

"Hm..." Agent HUNK considered the threat.

"One... two..." Kenpachi started to count.

"I won't kill you..." Agent HUNK grumbled. "But..."

"Three... _four..._" his hand was now hovering inches from the hilt of his Zanpakto.

"Just so you know..." Agent HUNK sighed. "This might hurt."

"Good," Kenpachi grinned. "FIVE!!!"

Kenpachi grabbed the hilt of his sword and let out a loud battle-cry. But Agent HUNK rushed forward and slammed his fist into the Captain's gut before he could draw his weapon. "Heh..." Kenpachi smirked. "Was that supposed to stun me or something?"

"No..." Agent HUNK replied calmly. "But this should."

**_BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZT._**

Kenpachi stood rooted to the spot, frozen in place by what had just occured. After a few seconds, he stumbled backwards and fell to the ground. Agent HUNK stood triumphantly over his stunned body, a tazer held firmly in his hand. "You alright?" he asked his fallen foe.

"What... what... was that?" Kenpachi gasped.

"A tazer..." Agent HUNK replied as he turned to walk away. "Electricity is a great thing when harnessed as a weapon. Well, until next time... See ya!" And with that, Agent HUNK ran off into the darkness, leaving a confused and crispy Captain in his wake.

"Once I regain the feeling in my legs..." Kenpachi snarled to himself, "He is going to die. PAINFULLY."

---

A few hours later, Dr. Insane-O yawned and then stretched his arms as the early morning sun warmed the landscape. He had just woken up, and he had apparently fallen asleep waiting by the gate. He stared groggily through his monocles, half-asleep and totally confused. "You're finally up?" Jidanbo's voice boomed, shocking him into being fully awake.

"WHOSAWHATSIT?!" Dr. Insane-O exclaimed wildly, caught off guard by the giant.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you..." Jidanbo appologized.

"Hm..." Dr. Insane-O shrugged. "Its alright. Hey, can I go through the gate?"

"No," Jidanbo replied flatly.

"Oh c'mon! Aren't I your friend? Didn't we stay up all night talking about childhood memories, old pets, and how many people you've eradicated from the face of the earth for trying to get through the gate?" Dr. Insane-O whined.

"I still cannot allow you to pass through," he replied. "The only way you're getting through is if you get the proper papers and permission, or if you become a Soul Reaper."

"A Soul Reaper?" A new plan began to formulate in Dr. Insane-O's twisted mind.

"Hm?" Jidanbo watched as his little buddy got up and started to walk away. "Where are you going?"

"I'm going to become a Soul Reaper..." he replied with a sly smirk.

---

Standing in front of a shady alley, the Soul Reaper never heard Dr. Insane-O approach. He snuck right up behind the Shingami, who had long brown hair, and then drew his two Rapiers. The Soul Reaper heard the sound of a sword being drawn, but before they could react, Dr. Insane-O growled gruffly, "Take off your clothes." He had hoped to steal the Shinigami's robes and sneak into the gate. But it seemed there was a bit of a misunderstanding in this situation.

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!!!!" the Soul Reaper shrieked.

"Huh?!" Dr. Insane-O jumped backwards a few feet.

"PERVERT!!!" the Soul Reaper spun around, and Dr. Insane-O was shocked to discover that it was a woman.

"WOAH, WOAH, WOAH!!!" Dr. Insane-O held up his hands innocently, trying to difuse the situation. "I THOUGHT YOU WERE A GUY!!!"

"SICKO!!!" the female Soul Reaper punched him in the throat. Dr. Insane-O sank to the ground, and she stormed off angrily.

"Ugrh..." he gasped. "If that's the worst thing that happens to me today, I'll be happy..." Once the feeling in everything below his jaw returned, Dr. Insane-O staggered to his feet. He stumbled out of the alley and headed off to find a restaraunt. He was starving, and perhaps he could beg or something for scraps. He decided he would make a sign. "People always give sign-holding dudes stuff..." he smirked.

Of course, nobody would give anything to a guy who's sign said, "_I will do absolutely nothing in order for you to give me food._"

---

"Hm..." Agent HUNK was leaning against a wall in a dim-lit alley, deep in thought. "I suppose I could always zap myself home, or bring Dr. Insane-O to me. Yeah, that might work! I'll bring him here, and we can escape together!" He flexed his fingers, popped his knuckles, and then clapped his hands together.

Nothing happened.

He clapped again. Still nothing. He clapped twice. Thrice. Four-ice. But still nothing. "What the crap?" He clapped his hands together again, and this time a large revolver appeared on the ground in front of him. He picked up the pistol and sighed. "I can summon a Broken Butterfly out of nowhere, but I can't bring Dr. Insane-O here. I wonder why?"

Then it hit him.

"Is it the barrier?" he looked up into the air. The cloudless sky seemed peaceful, but he knew that a powerful energy barrier was up there. It surrounded all of the Seireitei, and it prevented spirits and most objects from entering illegally. Apparently, Dr. Insane-O would have to find a way in himself, or Agent HUNK would have to find a way out. "DANGIT!!!" he slammed his fist into the wall next to him.

"You should really try to keep your anger under control..." a voice crooned from directly behind him.

"I'm getting really tired of people talking where I can't see them like they expect me to know they're there..." Agent HUNK grumbled.

* * *

Ooooooh, who is it now? A Soul Reaper? A Captain? A dead character from some other anime, perhaps? There's no telling. Heck, it could even be Urahara. Nah, this is set after he left. I think.

-pauses to consider plot twist-

Nah, that'd be too complicated... So yeah... It could be anybody! Except Hat 'n' Clogs... Which sucks, because he's awsome. Hm. Oh well. Review, please!


	6. Respect the Pig

Okay. I was considering a sequal to this story. But I figured that people wouldn't find it as funny. So I decided against a sequal.

Then I talked to Dr. Insane-O last night, and we came up with the following scene.

Once I was able to stop laughing, I told him that I would most definitely write a sequal. So yeah... After this story, Agent HUNK and Dr. Insane-O will be paying Naruto a visit...

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.

* * *

Agent HUNK sighed and turned to face the person lurking in the alley behind him. He was expecting a Soul Reaper, or a blood-thirsty Captain. Instead, he found himself in the presence of the 3rd Hokage, leader of the Village Hidden in the Leaves. "Well you're a sight for sore eyes..." Agent HUNK remarked in a stunned tone. 

"Hmph," a sly smile appeared on the old man's face. He was wearing his usual white and red robes and broad-rimmed hat. "It has been a long time, hasn't it, Agent HUNK?"

"Yes, quite a long time..." Agent HUNK sighed as he sat down against a nearby wall.

"Such fond memories..." the Hokage smiled, caught up in the past.

--------FLASHBACK---------

The Hokage was standing in his office in front of his desk. He had Agent HUNK by the throat in one hand and Dr. Insane-O by the throat with the other. He was holding both of them off the ground and was shaking them violently. "HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU NOT TO GO IN THE GIRL'S BATHHOUSE?!" the Hokage roared.

"I'M SORRY!!!" Agent HUNK screamed in terror. "JARIAYA MADE ME DO IT!!!"

"I VOLUNTEERED!!!" Dr. Insane-O proclaimed proudly with a huge goofy grin on his face.

-------END FLASHBACK--------

"Heh heh... Hey wait, why are you here?" Agent HUNK suddenly realized who he was talking to.

"Well, I _did_ die," the Hokage shrugged.

"No, no, no..." Agent HUNK waved his hands. "Why are you in the Seireitei? Why are you talking to me?"

"I was in the area doing business, and I heard about a madman named Agent HUNK killing people with a flame-spouting stick. So, naturally, I knew it was you..." the Hokage replied.

"Hm. Well, what can I do for you, Mr. Hokage, Sir?" Agent HUNK asked politely.

"I'm just here to see how and why you got yourself into this mess," the kind old man replied.

"Hm. Same as last time. Went to get food, ended up in Hell," Agent HUNK chuckled.

"History repeats itself, I've learned," the Hokage stoicly replied.

"Yeah, but this time it was for pizza, not burgers..." Agent HUNK pointed out.

"Hm. Is Dr. Insane-O here?" the Hokage asked.

"He's outside the Seireitei..." Agent HUNK sighed. "If he's still alive..."

---

For some odd reason, Dr. Insane-O had gotten a full meal. It seemed that his sign had appealed to the sense of humor of a random person walking by, and they had bought him quite a lot of food. As Dr. Insane-O staggered out of the restaraunt, hardly able to support the weight of his bulging belly, he remembered his mission. "Oh right, I need a Soul Reaper robe..."

A few minutes later, Dr. Insane-O was sneaking up on a Soul Reaper in an alley. "Take off your robe..." Dr. Insane-O growled as he unsheated his swords.

"On one condition..." the Soul Reaper turned around to face him. Dr. Insane-O stared at the face of Yumichika, tthe verrrry creepy member of Squad 11. "You first!" Yumichika winked.

"Excuse me for a second..." Dr. Insane-O calmly took a step back. He then turned to his right, and ran full speed into the wall in front of him. He ripped right through the wood, and instantly he was gone. Yumichika stood dumbfounded, confused by what had just happened. He then shrugged and walked away.

---

"So, got any advice?" Agent HUNK asked the Hokage.

"Hm..." the old man mused. "Well, what would any good ninja do when trapped in a hostile city being hunted by everyone who knows his name and appearance?"

"Hmmmm..." Agent HUNK tapped the side of his helmet in thought. "Whip out a flamethrower and toast everything?"

"No, you fool," the Hokage sighed. "He would assume another identity!"

"Another identity?" Agent HUNK stared at the Hokage. "Like what?"

"Like somebody that no one would recognize," the Hokage replied. "Don't you remember anything from your time in the Leaf Village?"

"I remember wild parties, awkward moments, and being strangled by you at least thirteen times..." Agent HUNK shrugged.

"Well you'd better go ahead and change appearances..." the Hokage replied. "I think I hear Soul Reapers approaching."

"Alright..." Agent HUNK popped his kunckles. "Here goes!" He clapped his hands together, and there was a brilliant flash of light.

A few minutes later, a man in a black uniform and green vest walked out of the alley. He had a black mask covering his mouth and nose, a headband covering his left eye, and white spikey hair. Kakashi Hatake glanced from side to side, making sure the coast was clear. He then walked away like nothing was amiss. After a few seconds, the 3rd Hokage emerged from the alley as well and watched the ninja walk away. "Hm..." the Hokage mused. "So Agent HUNK chose the form of Kakashi, eh? Interesting. Lets hope he doesn't run into any of the 3,275 shinobi that Kakashi has slain over the years..."

---

Dr. Insane-O staggered down the street, his head pounding and his stomach growling. He'd been wandering the streets for hours, and the sun was starting to set. It seemed that running through several walls had been a bad idea, and he still hadn't regained all of his bearings. He sat down on a street corner and took a few minutes to rest. He must have dozed off or something, because when he awoke the sky was dark and the moon was out. "Crap..." he grumbled. "Well, at least my head isn't hurting anymore."

He got up and started to walk down the street again. But as he turned the corner to walk down another street, he was mowed down by a speeding pig. Dr. Insane-O screamed in agony and suprise as he was trampled into the dirt by a wild boar, which kept running after hitting him. The man riding on the back of it didn't notice Dr. Insane-O. Or at least not until Dr. Insane-O screamed, "WATCH WHERE YOU'RE GOING WITH THAT STUPID PIG, YA JERK!!!"

The pig ground to a halt. "What did you say?" the man sitting on the back of the boar asked.

"YOU HEARD ME!!! I SAID WATCH WHERE YOU'RE GOING WITH THAT STUPID PIG, YA JERK!!!" Dr. Insane-O yelled again from his crater.

The rider gestured over his shoulder, and the boar turned around. It slowly walked over to the battered body of Dr. Insane-O. The rider dismounted, dusted himself off, and then reached down and grabbed Dr. Insane-O by the throat. "Listen you..." he growled, picking Dr. Insane-O up off the ground, "I'm Ganju Shiba of the Shiba Clan. You can insult me, but nobody insults Bonnie and lives to tell about it."

"Oh yeah?" Dr. Insane-O grinned. "So I can diss the Shiba Clan all I want, and you won't care? Well in that case... THE SHIBA CLAN IS THE BIGGEST BUNCH OF LOSERS EVAAAAAAR!!!!"

**_WHAM!!!_**

Ganju smashed Dr. Insane-O's face down into the dirt. "I SAID YOU COULD INSULT ME, NOT MY FAMILY!!!"

"Wait 'til I tell my buddy about you..." Dr. Insane-O threatened weakly. "He will mess you up _bad_..."

"Oh yeah? Who's your friend?" Ganju popped his knuckles. "I'll take care of him as well!"

"Agent HUNK..." Dr. Insane-O replied. Ganju stared down at him in silence.

"Say what?" he blinked dumbly.

"My friend Agent HUNK will beat you down, if I tell him to..." Dr. Insane-O pointed up at Ganju.

"So you're friends with the Soul Reaper Slayer?" Ganju continued to stare at him.

"What? You mean ol' HUNK has a cool serial killer name now?" Dr. Insane-O stumbled to his feet. "Yeah, I gues so... And he'll teach you the meaning of pain! Once I find him! I've just got to get into the Seireitei first... BUT THEN he'll mess you up."

"Get into the Seireitei and find him?" A smirk spread across Ganju's face. "I think I can help..."

"Help?" Dr. Insane-O stared at Ganju. "Why?"

"The enemy of my enemy is my friend," Ganju replied. "I hate Soul Reapers, and if your friend can kill them on a massive scale, then you're my friend."

"YAY!!!" Dr. Insane-O lunged forward and wrapped his arms around Ganju. "I'VE GOT A NEW FRIEND!!!" Dr. Insane-O cheered as he hugged Ganju.

**_WHAM!!!_**

"No hugging..." Ganju growled as he walked away, dragging the unconscious madman behind him. "Come on, Bonnie..." he gestured for the boar to follow him. It grunted, and then walked along beside him down the street. "Lets show Kukaku our new friend..."

* * *

Agent HUNK is dressed like Kakashi Hatake, and Dr. Insane-O is working with Ganju. This is gonna be _goooood_...


	7. Eyes Up Here, Please

The Leaf Village story will be a prequal. And if it is successful, there may be another prequal and/or sequal. There are quite a few ideas me and Dr. Insane-O have for other animes...

Ah yes, before we begin let me explain something.

Napalm is a fluid that bursts into flames easily, kind of like a super-flamable gasoline. It is held in large containers which are dropped like bombs from planes. It hits the ground, catches on fire, and splashes on everything in sight. It is impossible to put out with water or a fire extinguisher. It just burns and burns until it finally runs out. Needless to say, it makes everything toasty.

Now that we're clear on that, lets get on with the story.

Disclaimer: I don't own Pokemon.

* * *

Dr. Insane-O sat up and rubbed the bump on his head. "Oh... what happened?" He glanced from side to side and found himself sitting in the middle of the street in the Soul Society. "Hm... What happened?" 

"Pika?" a soft little voice asked from behind him.

"Huh?" Dr. Insane-O turned around. Sitting in front of him was that little bundle of love known as Pikachu. "Pikachu?"

"Pika!" the Pokemon chirped.

"Why are you in the Soul Society? Wait..." Dr. Insane-O realized that Pikachu wasn't the only Pokemon in front of him. Behind Pikachu, thousands of the little creatures filled the streets as far as the eye could see. Tears welled in Dr. Insane-O's eyes, and he sank to his knees as he surveyed the countless spirits. "He did it... He actually did it..."

"Pika?" Pikachu looked up at the sky. Above them, several fighter jets were flying overhead.

"That maniac!" Dr. Insane-O punched the dirt. "That fool! Why Agent HUNK?! Why?! Why did you have to kill them?! You were supposed to _catch 'em all_, not _kill 'em all_! WHY!?"

Meanwhile, Agent HUNK was sitting in the cockpit of one of the overhead fighter jets. "Okay boys, lets roast us some BBQ..." he joked over the radio. Agent HUNK cackled like a madman as he hit a large red button, releasing several containers of napalm upon the unsuspecting crowd of Pokemon beneath him, as did the other planes.

"YOU MANIAAAAAAC!!!" Dr. Insane-O screamed at the sky as everything he knew and loved burned into the night.

---

"WUH?!" Dr. Insane-O bolted upright, throwing the blanket over him aside. "A dream?" he looked around. "It was all just a dream..."

"Good, you're finally awake," a voice chuckled behind him. Dr. Insane-O looked over his shoulder and saw Ganju sitting in the corner of the room eating from a bowl of rice. "I was wondering when you'd wake up. What's wrong?"

"I had a bad dream..." Dr. Insane-O sighed. "It involved cute and innocent critters and lots of napalm."

"What's napalm?" Ganju blinked dumbly.

"Liquid fire," Dr. Insane-O replied. "It burns anything and everything."

Ganju grinned. "Do you know how to make it?"

"No," Dr. Insane-O shook his head. "But Agent HUNK does."

"Hm, I'll have to ask him about that when we find him," Ganju mused. Suddenly, his face lit up. "Oh right, I need to tell my sister about you! She was asleep when I brought you in, so she doesn't-"

**_SLAM!!!_**

The door to the room suddenly slid open, and a loud voice screamed out, "WHO THE ---- IS THAT?!"

---

'Heh heh heh...' Agent HUNK thought to himself as he casually walked down the streets of the Seireitei, hands in his pockets and a smirk beneath his mask. 'I look like ol' Kakashi, and nobody suspects a thing. This is great!'

"The parade is about to start any minute!" a child squeeled as she ran by him in a hurry.

"Wait for me!" a little boy ran after her.

"What's going on?" Agent HUNK watched the children run around a street corner up ahead.

"The Soul Reaper parade is about to begin!" a man replied as he rushed by.

"Soul Reaper parade?" Agent HUNK went pale, although the mask he was wearing obscured most of his face from view. "I think I'll go the _other_ way..." He turned around to walk the other way, but when he took a step forward he ran into somebody. "Oh, I'm sorry..." he apologized.

"No problem at all," a grim voice replied, "Old friend."

"Oh snap," Agent HUNK stared up in horror at the grinning face of Zabuza Momochi.

---

"So... WHO IS HE?!"

Ganju was trembling in terror before the raven-haired woman standing in the doorway. Dressed in revealing red attire and possessing a prosthetic arm, she looked like the Devil incarnated as a woman. "He's... he's..." Ganju stuttered.

"OUT WITH IT!!!" she barked.

"He's a friend of the Soul Reaper Slayer!" Ganju replied in a frightened tone. "His name is Dr. Insane-O! I told him we'd help him find his friend, Agent HUNK! I thought it was a good idea, Kukaku!"

"Hi..." Dr. Insane-O waved weakly, sitting on his knees with a blank stare on his face.

"Hmph..." the woman glanced at Dr. Insane-O. "And why would we do that?"

"Well, his friend kills Soul Reapers with no remorse..." Ganju shrugged. "And he can give us some sort of liquid fire, which should help business."

"Liquid fire, you say?" Kukaku arched an eyebrow.

"Hi..." Dr. Insane-O waved again. Kukaku stared at him for a moment in confusion. Then she realized that all though he was staring at her, he wasn't looking at her face.

"YOU PERVERT!!!" she ran forward and kneed him in the jaw, sending the poor doctor flying across the room.

"WOW, SHE'S AWSOME!!!" Dr. Insane-O exclaimed from the floor.

"Get up..." she growled.

"Yes, ma'am..." Dr. Insane-O whimpered, staggering to his feet and standing up straight.

"Now, I don't you what you're doing here..." she walked over to him and poked him in the chest, "But what makes you think we're going to help you? So what if you're friends with the Soul Reaper Slayer? Like we're supposed to believe that!" As she ranted on, Dr. Insane-O's head began to tilt forward, and his eyes started to drift downward. "The only way we're going to help you is if you make it worth our while. Payment. In cash. You give us the money, we give you the help. ... Are you listening to me?"

"Hi..." Dr. Insane-O's blank stare had returned.

"Gr..." Without warning, Kukaku lunged forward and grabbed him by the throat. With terrifying strength, she choke-slammed him into the ground, cracking the tiles on the floor, as well as most of his bones. "IF I EVER SEE YOU LOOKING BELOW MY NECK AGAIN, I'LL STRAP YOU TO THE BIGGEST ROCKET I'VE GOT AND BLAST YOU INTO OBLIVION!!! GOT IT?!"

"Yes, ma'am..." he whimpered. "But what if you're holding something in your hand, and you want me to look at it, and you're holding it below your neck, and-"

"BOOM!!!" she snarled.

"Okay, just checking..." he smiled nervously.

* * *

I hate Pokemon. I told Dr. Insane-O that I have an urge to massacre all Pokemon in a mass Pokemon genocide. He claims I wouldn't stand a chance. I say napalm works wonders. -evil laughter- 


	8. Panzerschreck Party

Ah, so sorry... I've not really felt like writing as of late. I just felt like taking a break. But Dr. Insane-O keeps bugging me, so I suppose I'll write the next chapter.

Oh, and a Panzerschreck is a German bazooka from World War 2. You'll need to know that for this chapter...

* * *

"Hello, Kakashi..." a smirk appeared through the bandages over Zabuza's mouth. The Demon of the Mist (from Naruto) had found his old enemy, and there was vengance to be wrought. "Long time no see..." 

"Uh..." Agent HUNK took a nervous step back. Here he was, dressed like Kakashi, and Zabuza Momochi was staring him down. "I'm sorry, but I'm not Kakashi." Of course, this was harder to prove since Agent HUNK also had Kakashi's voice. "Crap..." he grumbled when he noticed that.

"What's wrong, Kakashi? Not feeling up for a rematch?" Zabuza reached over his shoulder and placed one hand on the hilt of his sword, which he'd somehow come back into possession of in the Soul Society.

"Um... Look dude, I'm really not Kakashi..." Agent HUNK took another step back. In the distance, parade music could be heard.

"Why are you acting so strange? Come on, fight me..."

"Really, I'm not Kakashi."

"Stop denying who you are. It is very stupid."

"I'm not Kakashi."

The music was getting louder.

"Stop saying that! Do you have amnesia or something?!"

"I'm not Kakashi!"

"Don't joke with me! Draw your weapon and prepare to fight!"

"Why does everyone tell me to draw my weapon?! I'm not Kakashi!"

The music was getting very loud now.

"STOP ACTING SO STUPID!!!"

"I'M NOT KAKASHI HATAKE!!!"

"YES YOU ARE, YOU FOOL!!!"

"NO I'M NOT!!!" Agent HUNK clapped his hands together. Instantly, he returned to his normal form. "I'M AGENT HUNK!!!"

The music stopped.

Agent HUNK stared at Zabuza. Zabuza stared at Agent HUNK. Slowly, Agent HUNK turned around. He found himself standing in front of several hundred Soul Reapers.

"Hm. The Soul Reaper Parade..." Agent HUNK commented calmly. He then turned back to face Zabuza, and holding up an accusing finger stated: "I hate you, and I hope you die. Again."

"It's him!" some random Soul Reaper exclaimed. Insantly, they all drew their swords.

"Hm. Several hundred Soul Reapers..." Agent HUNK twisted his head from side to side and popped his neck. "You know what I need? I need a-"

---

"Panzerschreck..." Dr. Insane-O suddenly blurted out. Ganju and Kukaku were arguing about what to do with him, and his suddenly input caused them to turn their heads towards him.

"What?" Kukaku arched an eyebrow.

"Huh?" Ganju just stared.

"Panzerschreck," Dr. Insane-O shrugged.

"What is that?" Kukaku asked.

"A German bazooka from World War 2. Its really cool. And the name is fun to say!" Dr. Insane-O grinned. "Panzerschreck!"

"Panzoshek?" Ganju tried to pronounce it.

"Well stop saying it," Kukaku growled.

"Why? Its fun!" Dr. Insane-O whined. "Panzerschreck!"

"Ponzerscrek?" Ganju was now staring at the ceiling, lost in thought.

"Its annoying," Kukaku replied.

"Panzerschreck," Dr. Insane-O blurted out.

"Stop it," Kukaku growled.

"Pantsashek?"

"Panzerschreck."

"Stop."

"Punzersleck?"

"Panzershreck."

"Seriously, stop."

"Pastasnack?"

"Panzerschreck."

"I'm seriously getting annoyed..."

"Panzerclack?"

"Panzerschreck."

"One more word and I'll kill you."

"Panzawreck?"

"Panzer-"

**_WHAM!!!_**

Dr. Insane-O was out cold. Kukaku was standing over his body, rubbing her sore knuckles. But Ganju was determined to learn how to say the word.

"Pandsersheck. Panzawreck. Pantagreck! Panthersleg!" he was getting frustrated now. "Paznerreck! GRRR... PANDASEX!!!"

"No, you fool!" Dr. Insane-O lifted his head up off the ground. "Its-"

---

"PANZERSCHRECK!!!" Agent HUNK clapped his hands together. Instantly, a long green tube with a metal plate around the center of it appeared in his hands. "PERFECT!!!" He hefted the weapon over his shoulder and took aim at the approaching swarm of Shinigamis.

"What is that thing?" Zabuza asked from directly behind him.

"Loud," was the reply.

**_BASHOOOOOOM!!!!_**

"AAAAAHHH!!!!" Zabuza was flung backwards by the after-blast from the bazooka. Insantly, a projectile was launched forward, and a massive explosion ripped into the earth in front of the approaching Soul Reapers.

"That should scare them off..." Agent HUNK lowered the smoking weapon. The area between him and the massive amount of Shinigamis was full of smoke and dust. But after a few minutes, the smoke began to clear. It revealed all of the Soul Reapers, unhurt, standing in a long line. And standing in front of them stood a grinning Zarachi Kenpachi. "Hm..." Agent HUNK tilted his head sideways and surveyed the situation. "Now might be a good time to reload, I think..."

* * *

Panzerschreck, panzerschreck, panzerschreck... If you want a better description, look it up on Wikipedia. They have an awsome picture of two German Wehrmacht soldiers using one...

Ahem, anyway... Review, please!

Panzerschreck, panzerschreck, panzerschreck... What? Its fun to say!


	9. No Pain, No Gain

OH WELL WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT!!! I'M RE-WRITING THE ENDING!!!

Yeah, me and Dr. Insane-O hated the way the story ended. We figured we could do better. And so we've decided to delete the ending, and make the story longer and better. Sure, a few jokes might be gone... But the things that replace them will be better!

Oh, and instead of ending at chapter 10, this story will probably end somewhere around 25 or 30 chapters. Yeah... We've put a lot of thought into this.

And the first half of this chapter is still the same. Just pointing that out ahead of time.

Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach or Naruto.

* * *

Dr. Insane-O stared up in the air at the huge cannon. It seemed to point endlessly into the sky, and he was shocked and awed by such a weapon. "I bet the 4th of July ROCKS here..." he grinned. 

"Okay, here's the deal..." Kukaku returned his attention to the topic at hand. "We're going to blast you into the sky, through the barrier, and into the Seireitei. Ganju will do all the work, and all you have to do is sit back and enjoy the ride. Got it?"

"Yeah, sure, I guess..." Dr. Insane-O shrugged.

"Well, lets go..." Ganju held up a crystal ball with a pheonix painted on it. "First, I need you to-"

"I know how this works, so don't worry about explaining anything..." Dr. Insane-O held up his hand in a "shut up" gesture.

"Great!" Kukaku grinned. "Now get in the cannon and get out of my sight! NOW!!!"

---

"Reload, reload, reload..." Agent HUNK whimpered to himself as he slid another shell into the panzerschreck. Kenpachi was slowly walking towards him, sword drawn.

"HEY!!!" Zabuza suddenly loomed over his shoulders. "WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE-"

"I don't have time for you right now!" Agent HUNK snapped his fingers. Instantly, Zabuza dissappeared. "Hey..." Agent HUNK paused, "I just realized two things: One... I can snap my fingers and do the author magic stuff! Two... I now know why Zabuza randomly showed up that one time in the Leaf Village while Kakashi was training me!"

-----FLASHBACK-------

Agent HUNK gasped for breath, exhausted from the harsh training he'd been going through. A few feet in front of him, a large boulder had several deep craters in it.

"Excellent..." Kakashi Hatake stood beside him, his head buried in a book. "You've excelled at learning the Chidori. I'm impressed..."

"Thanks..." Agent HUNK panted. "I-"

**_BZZT._**

Out of nowhere, Zabuza Momochi appeared a few feet in front of Agent HUNK and Kakashi. An awkward silence followed.

"Where am I?" Zabuza arched an eyebrow, totally lost and confused.

"Okkaaaaayyyyyy..." Kakashi mused. "This is odd..."

"I'm not even going to question it..." Agent HUNK shook his head.

----END FLASHBACK-----

"Wow..." Agent HUNK shook his head. "That makes so much sense now... Perhaps I shouldn't have randomly teleported him away?"

"Perhaps you should keep your mind on the battle at hand, as well..." Kenpachi Zaraki advised him from over his shoulder.

"Dude, seriously!" Agent HUNK growled, "Why can't people talk to me face-to-face? Hey! I just remembered how to do the Chidori!"

"SHUT UP AND FIGHT HIM, YOU FOOL!!!" the 3rd Hokage yelled from off in the distance.

"Alright, alright..." Agent HUNK shrugged. Without hesitation, he whirled around and smacked Kenpachi in the side of his face with the Panzerschreck. "Happy now?!"

---

Dr. Insane-O was enjoying the view. He was sitting inside a big blue bubble, watching the Soul Society streak past beneath his feet. "Dude, this is awsome..."

"Shut up, I'm trying to concentrate..." Ganju growled, his hands clasped firmly on the crystal ball.

"Hey dude, does your sister have a boyfriend?" Dr. Insane-O suddenly asked.

"Huh?"

"Does she?"

"No... Why do you care?"

"I think I'm in love..." Dr. Insane-O replied with a goofy grin on his face.

"WHAT?!" Ganju exclaimed.

"I think I'm in love with you sister. The way she chokeslammed me... Even though she was angry as mess, I could tell she did it with love and compassion..." Dr. Insane-O sighed. "And how could I not love her? Those eyes... that hair... _that rack..._"

"I'M GONNA KILL YOU!!!" Ganju screamed. Letting go of the ball, he grabbed Dr. Insane-O by the throat and began to strangle him.

**_Krick-krick. Krick. Krack._**

Due to the loss of spiritual concentration, small cracks began to appear in the orb. "Uh oh..." Ganju and Dr. Insane-O both gulped, realizing how FUBAR they where about to be.

**_Krick-krick-krack-KABOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_**

---

"Huh?" Agent HUNK looked up at the sky. "What was that?" Above the Seireitei, a large vortex of blue light and energy had formed.

"Don't get distracted. You might lose a limb..." Kenpachi's voice crooned.

**_Ka-shink. _**

**_Thunk. _**

Agent HUNK suddenly found himself holding only half of a Panzerschreck. "Oooookaaaaay..." he pondered his current situation. "It appears that I have no choice but to use the Chidori! GYA!!!" he yelped as the blade of Kenpachi's Zanpakto sailed directly over his head. "WATCH IT!!!"

"If you don't fight back, you're going to die..." Kenpachi grinned as he continued to hack and slash at the Author.

"Fine then!" Agent HUNK snarled as he jumped backwards in an attempt to put some space between himself and the Captain. "But don't say I didn't warn you!"

"Hm?" Kenpachi watched with morbid interest as his foe took a strange stance. Standing upright, Agent HUNK aimed his right hand at the ground whilst he clutched his forearm with his left hand. Soon electricity began to crackle and snap around his fingers. "What are you trying to pull?"

"Chidori: Lightning Blade!" Agent HUNK yelled. He suddenly charged forward with incredible speed, his right hand surrounded by crackling energy. "HYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!"

"Too slow," was all Kenpachi had to say before he instantly dissappeared.

"HUH?!" Agent HUNK couldn't believe his eyes. One minute Kenpachi had been standing in front of him, and now he was gone. It was almost as if he had vanished. But before Agent HUNK could stop running and lower his arm, Kenpachi re-appeared, running alongside him with a grin on his face.

"You need to learn how to keep up," Kenpachi leered. With lightning-fast reflexes, he reached out and grabbed Agent HUNK's forearm. With a simple twist of his wrist, he shattered the radius and ulna in Agent HUNK's arm.

"GAAAAAAAHHH!!!!" Agent HUNK screamed in agony as pain surged through his arm. "WHAT'S YOU PROBLEM, MAN?!"

"If you can't handle a broken arm, then you aren't worth my time..." Kenpachi growled. He then delivered a swift kick to Agent HUNK's face, which sent him flying backwards and skidding across the ground. "Come back when you've gotten at least half-way decent..."

"Gya..." Agent HUNK gasped as he staggered to his feet. "He's letting me live? Oh well, never look a gift horse in the mouth... RUN AWAY!!!" And with that, he spun about on his heels and took off sprinting away from Kenpachi and the horde of angry Soul Reapers behind him.

---

"WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!" Dr. Insane-O yelled as he fell towards the earth. When the cannon-ball spirit sphere ball thingy had exploded, Ganju had been hurled towards the Rukon District, while Dr. Insane-O had been hurled towards the Seireitei. Unfortunately for Dr. Insane-O, there was the matter of the bubble shield over the Seireitei which destroyed anything that came in contact with it. "Uh oh..." he gulped, suddenly realizing what was about to happen to him. "EEP!!!" Turning around so that his back faced the ground, he assumed the fetal position and waited to die.

**_FWOOM!!!_**

"OW!!!" Dr. Insane-O yelled as he felt his back smash through something really hard. Then he realized he'd just passed through the barrier. "SWEET!!! My lab coat protected me! I guess that means that-"

**_WAM!!!_**

"The Earth is **hard**..."

* * *

Well, things seem to be happening quite differently from last time, eh? As previously stated, I'm sorry if you liked the old ending, but I assure you, this will all be much, much better.

Next chapter: Agent HUNK seeks medical attention, and Dr. Insane-O meets his favorite Captain.

Thanks for reading!

-Agent HUNK


	10. Drinking to Health

Aw, not many hits for the new chapter... Oh well, as long as some people are reading it, I'm happy.

Also, I started my own forum. You can offer me suggestions there, ask questions, talk about your own stories, or just rant and rave about random stuff.

Also, I'm going out of town again. Alas... I should be back in a week, though. Not that anybody cares. Hah hah... hah... okay, whatever, on with the story...

* * *

"VICTORY IS MINNNNNNNNNNEEE!!!!" Dr. Insane-O roared victoriously. The world around him was in flames, and he stood triumphantly atop the defeated bodies of hundreds of Shinigami, including Captains Byakuya, Mayuri, and Kenpachi. Around him sat several female Shinigami and Soul Society residents, each of them clutching his legs as though he was their rescuer and knight in shining armor.

"Oh, Dr. Insane-O, you're so brave and manly!" Kukakku purred.

"Thank you for saving me, Dr. Insane-O!" Rukia smiled.

"Yo," Captain Shunsui of the 8th Division suddenly dropped down from nowhere in front of Dr. Insane-O. "You alright?"

"Huh?!" Dr. Insane-O was shocked by his favorite Captain's sudden appearance. "Shunsui?! What are you doing here?!"

"I said, are you alright?" Shunsui tilted his straw hat back in order to look Dr. Insane-O in the eye. "Wake up."

"Huh?!"

"Wake up."

"Wake up..."

"Wake up..."

---

"Wake up!"

"GYA!!!" Dr. Insane-O jerked upwards, suddenly finding himself sprawled out on his back upon the cold hard stone of the Seireitei's streets. His back was killing him, his head was pounding, and his vision was blurred. "Was that all a dream? Where am I? What happened?"

"You tell me," came a slurred reply.

"Huh?" Dr. Insane-O looked up at the dark shadow towering over him. "Who are you?!"

"The name's Shunsui..." the man answered him. Dr. Insane-O's vision finally focused enough for him to tell who he was talking to. Sure enough, it was Captain Kyouraku Shunsui of Squad 8. Wearing his usual pink haori and straw hat, the bearded Captain was obviously drunk. His cheeks were red, his eyes were hazy, and of course he had a jug of sake in his left hand. "Who are you? A new Captain or something?"

"New Captain?" Dr. Insane-O blinked dumbly.

"Yeah, new Captain. You've got the robe..." Shunsui pointed at the white lab coat he was wearing.

"Um... Yeah!" Dr. Insane-O nodded vigorously. "I'm Dr. Insane-O! I'm the new Captain of Squad... uh... 14!"

"Squad 14, eh?" Shunsui cocked his head to the side and surveyed the "Captain" in front of him. "You're lying, aren't you?"

"Maybe..." Dr. Insane-O smiled innocently.

"Oh well, it doesn't matter. I sense no spiritual pressure or any sort of power in you. You aren't a threat. Soooooo..." Shunsui narrowed his eyes. He stared at the Author on the ground in front of him, the expression on his face one of pure seriousness. Suddenly, he reached into his robe with his right hand and pulled out several sake dishes. "Care for a drink, "Captain" Insane-O?"

-----

"GRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Agent HUNK howled in agony, smashing his back forcefully against a stone wall and clutching his right arm in pain. He then began to cough violently, so much to the point that he collapsed to his knees. "Pain... So much PAIN..." he growled through gritted teeth. "Broken arm... Cracked ribs... Surely internal bleeding... URGH... GRRRR... I need help... I need help soon... I can't fix this with my powers... Too much pain... Can't concentrate... GYAAA!!! I've got to find a way... A way to get help... But how?"

Meanwhile, two streets over...

"Such a nice day in the Seireitei!" Hanataro Yamada smiled cheerily to himself as he swept the dirt from the streets of the Seireitei. He was having a wonderful day! He'd been far away from the Parade Incident, hadn't been ordered to help with the clean up, and he'd been given an easy job for the day: Sweep five streets clean of any and all filth. Yep, easy job, wonderful day... Nothing could go wrong!

**_Clip-clop-clip-clop-clip-clop..._**

"Hm?" Hanataro looked around suspiciously. "Footsteps? I thought these areas were deserted?"

**_Clip-clop-clip-clop-clip-clop..._**

"Maybe they sent somebody to help me out?"

**_Clip-clop-clip-clop-clip-clop..._**

"I could use the help. But wouldn't they have told me? Oh well, I'm sure-"

**_Clip-clop-clip-clop-CLIP-CLOP!_**

"MAKE A NOISE AND YOUR DEAD!!!" a harsh voice snarled in Hanataro's ear as he felt a hand clasp over his mouth.

"MRK?!" Hanataro twisted his head to the side to see who'd grabbed him. His blood froze when he found himself staring into a pair of red goggles. "MGNNT MNK!!!"

"I SAID NOT TO MAKE ANY NOISE!!!" Agent HUNK snarled, his voice saturated with both anger and agony. "Stay quiet, okay?!"

"MKAY..." Hanataro nodded weakly.

"Good..." Agent HUNK nodded as well, removing his hand from Hanataro's mouth.

"You... you're Agent HUNK..." Hanataro whimpered, his body paralyzed with fear.

"Yep. I need a favor from you..."

"What kind of favor?"

"My arm is broke. I need you to fix it."

"Um... How bad is it?"

"This bad..." Agent HUNK held up his right arm. His right hand was twisted all the way around, so that his thumb was pointing downwards. "Kenpachi twisted my wrist all the way around, snapping the radius and ulna..."

"Ouch..." Hanataro knew such an injury had to hurt. A lot. "Which way did he twist it?"

"Dunno. All I know is that it HURTS. I've also got some cracked ribs, and probably some messed up organs... So what do you say, will you help me?"

"Are you going to kill me?"

"Nope."

"Then yes. Its not like I have a choice..."

"Good!"

"We need a place to hide though. This may take awhile to heal..."

"Whatever," Agent HUNK growled, another wave of pain surging through his body. "I don't care. Whatever it takes!"

* * *

Booze and bodily harm. Never a good combination. Especially with Authors...

Next chapter: Dr. Insane-O's smashed out of his mind, and Agent HUNK's got time to kill...

Thanks for reading, folks!

-Agent HUNK


	11. Meeting of the Minds

I'm back to writing regularly again! Hurray! Also, I started a forum here on the site. Please check my profile and click on the link to it! I could use the feedback and what-not...

Anyway, here's the next chapter.

Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach, or Ramen instant noodles. I do love them both very much, though...

* * *

"Is everybody here? Who are we missing?" General Yamamoto surveyed the group of Soul Reapers before him. An emergency meeting had been called, and all 13 Court Guard Captains were required to be present. 

"Sir, Captain Ukitake is having another episode, and he was unable to attend," piped Kiyone Kotetsu, 3rd seat of Squad 13.

"So he sent us in his stead!" yelled Sentaro Kotsubaki, the co-3rd seat of Squad 13.

"I see..." General Yamamoto nodded. "Where is Captain Shunsui?"

"My apologies, General Yamamoto," bowed Nanao Ise, Vice-Captain of Squad 8. "I was unable to locate him, so I came to serve in his place."

"I understand, Vice-Captain Nanao," General Yamamoto nodded. "Well, in that case, I call this meeting of the Court of Pure Souls to order! The first thing we must discuss is the ryoka known as Agent HUNK. What is the latest information on him?"

"I fought in armed combat against him, and defeated him," answered Zaraki Kenpachi, Captain of the 11th Division. "I allowed him to escape-"

"You let the most dangerous man in the Seireitei go free? My, my, Captain Zaraki, what where you thinking?" 3rd Squad Captain Gin Ichimaru scolded him in his usual mischevious manner.

"Indeed, Captain Zaraki. What is the meaning of this?" General Yamamoto enquired.

"I broke his arm, and delivered a crushing kick to his chest. He was unable to fight or use his strange abilities without an arm, and the internal damage I caused should have killed him by now. I didn't feel like there was anything more to do..." Kenpachi shrugged.

"I see... So he's dead, then?" General Yamamoto asked.

"If he isn't already, he'll be within a few hours," Kenpachi grinned. "Either way, we don't need to worry about him anymore."

---

"Wow. Remind me to come back to you whenever I get screwed over..." Agent HUNK commented as he stretched out his right arm and took several deep breathes. "You did a great job of fixing me up!"

"It wasn't too hard," Hanataro bowed meekly. "But if you'd gone two more hours without medical aid, you would have internally bled to death..."

"That's nice to know!" Agent HUNK replied cheerfully. "I'm glad I found you..."

"So... What are you going to do now?"

"Probably go for a walk..."

"What about me? What do you want me to do?"

"Leave, I guess. If anybody asks about me, tell them you never saw me. Okay?"

"Okay, I suppose. Anything else?"

"Have you heard of any other ryokas lately?"

"Other than you, no Sir."

"I figured as much..." Agent HUNK sighed sadly. "Well, I suppose that is it, then. Oh, wait, one more thing!"

"What?" Hanataro asked, still fearful that the madman might randomly kill him.

"Are there Ramen instant noodles around here?" Agent HUNK asked gleefully.

"Roman what?"

"Yeah, that's a no, then..."

---

"Such pointless violence..." Captain Kaname Tosen of the 9th Division sighed, disgusted by Kenpachi's actions.

"I didn't see you coming up with any better ideas," Kenpachi growled.

"We could have captured him, or worked out a truce of some sort. Anything is better than senseless killing."

"Well, he's dead now, so you can stop all your bleeding heart pacifist prattle now..."

"There's no need for insults..."

"Hmph..."

"Ahem!" General Yamamoto regained everyone's attention. "The next order of business: There appears to have been a second ryoka. Do we have any information on him?"

"Allegedly, there was a second person who arrived here with Agent HUNK. Jidanbo dealt with him, but scattered reports indicate he survived and has been running around the Rukon district," Gin Ichimaru explained. "Some people are saying that a man fall from the sky after getting through the Seireitei's barrier, but these reports have not been confirmed."

"I see. I suppose this meeting is over, then. You may all return to your stations, and carry on as you were. The war-time restirctions have been re-instated, due to the likely death of Agent HUNK. In any case, keep on your guard," General Yamamoto commanded. "For all we know, this ryoka could be as strong and as deadly as Agent HUNK was. Or even worse..."

---

"HA!!! TAKE THAT CAP'N FLOWER SHIRT!!!" yelled a completely inebriated Dr. Insane-O as he slammed another empty sake bottle down on the table between him and Captain Shunsui.

"42?! IMPOSSIBLE!!! BUT WAIT!!!" Captain Shunsui suddenly grabbed two bottles of sake and held them both to his lips at the same time. He then chugged the contents of them and smashed the bottles on the table. "WOOO!!!! 43!!! 43!!! IN YOUR FACE!!!"

"CAPTAIN SHUNSUI!!!" a woman suddenly yelled. The two men turned to find Lieutenant Nanao Ise standing in the doorway, her expression a mixture of shock and anger. "WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?!"

"We're just having a friendly drinking contest, my dear sweat Nanao!" Captain Shunsui grinned.

"Wanna join us?" Dr. Insane-O asked, holding up a bottle of sake. It was of course upside-down, and it took him a whole of 3.7 seconds to realize this. He began searching for the bottle's cork, but by the time he'd stuffed it into the still-upside-down bottle, the contents of the whole vessel had been emptied into his lap.

"SIR, THAT MAN IS A RYOKA!!!" Nanao pointed an accusing- and glowing- finger at Dr. Insane-O.

"True, but he's no threat," Captain Shunsui waved his hands casually, as if brushing aside her comments. "Now please, settle down and join us for a dr-"

---

As Hanataro walked down the streets of the Seireitei looking for somebody from his squad to report to, he heard a loud boom and the sound of glass breaking over-head. He looked up at the tall sky-scaper-like buildings of the Seireitei, looking for the source of the noises. "What was that?"

His answer came in the form of a screaming mad scientist plummeting like a rock directly towards him. "MOVE IT, HAMTARO!!!!" Dr. Insane-O yelled as the neared the soon-to-be-impact site.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!" Hanataro screamed in terror. He managed to dive out of the way of the falling lunatic at the last second, narrowly avoiding a painfull and bizarre death.

**_FWOOM!!!_**

"OHMYGOSH!!!" Hanataro yelled, quickly getting back on his feet and rushing over to the crater that Dr. Insane-O had left in the ground. "ARE YOU OKAY?!"

"THE EARTH IS STILL HARD!!!"

* * *

Indeed, the Earth is still _quite_ hard.

Next chapter: Agent HUNK takes a wrong turn, and Dr. Insane-O starts his own Squad.

Thanks for reading!


	12. Squad 14

Sorry, there've been a lot of issues in my life as of late. But everything has been resolved, and I can get back to writing fan fiction in peace.

So here's the newest chapter of Insanity in the Soul Society.

* * *

"Hmmm..." Agent HUNK studied the signpost in front of him. The path he'd been following now split in two, and now he had to look at the sign for directions. Which were in Japanese. Which he didn't speak. Which didn't help him. At all. 

But luckily, the sign had pretty pictures on it. The arrow for the left path pointed to a sword. The arrow to the right pointed to a flower. It was quite simple, really. "Aaaahhhh..." Agent HUNK nodded. "To the left is Squad 11, and to the right is Squad 4! So I should head to the right, since Squad 4 won't cause me much trouble..."

And so, Agent HUNK swaggered his way down the right path. Unfortunately, the words on the sign said differently from what he'd assumed. To the left was in fact a weapons depot, and to the right was Captain Ukitake's personal garden. Thus, instead of going to see Squad 4, he was in fact on his way to meet Squad 13.

---

"Who are you?" Hanataro couldn't believe his eyes. A man had fallen from the sky, left a crater in the shape of his own body, survived the impact, and was now sitting on the ground in front of him. And what's more, the man had on a Captain's robe!

"The name's Dr. Insane-O..." the strange man replied. "You're Hamtaro, right?"

"Hanataro..." he corrected the man.

"Ah, whatever..." Dr. Insane-O dismissed the correction with the wave of his hand. "Hey, wanna join my squad?"

"HUH?!" Hanataro didn't expect something like that to be asked by a random person who fell from the sky. Actually, he didn't really know what to expect anymore... "What do you mean?"

"I'm Captain of Squad 14!" Dr. Insane-O exclaimed. It seemed that he was now actually convinced that he had his own squad. "Come on, if you join me, you'll be my Luietenant!"

"Luietenant?" Hanataro blinked dumbly. The mental image of himself having the honor and respect of everyone in the Seireitei flashed through his mind. "Okay, sure!" he suddenly grinned.

"Great! As your Captain, I hereby give you your first order!"

"Yes, sir! What is it, sir?"

"I need you to go find Agent HUNK for me!"

"..."

"What's wrong?"

"Your timing needs work, sir..."

---

"Hmmmmm..." Agent HUNK surveyed his surroundings with wonder. He wasn't in the barracks of Squad 4. In fact, he wasn't inside a building at all. He was standing in the middle of a calm and serene Japanese garden, with colorful flowers, crystal clear ponds, and blooming sakura trees everywhere around him. "It's so... beautiful..." Agent HUNK sniffed. Even madmen appreciate the beauty of nature... sometimes...

"I'm telling you, its pink!"

"And I'm telling you, its red!"

"Huh?" Agent HUNK suddenly heard two voices yelling nearby. Slowly, he crept along a small path, and then onto a small red wooden bridge over one of the ponds. "Aha..."

Standing on another bridge nearby were Co-3rd Seats Kiyone Kotetsu and Sentaro Kotsubaki. They were arguing over what appeared to be two flowers. "Its pink!" Sentaro growled.

"Red!" Kiyone yelled.

"PINK!!!" Sentaro roared, crushing the pink flower in his hand.

"RED!!!" Kiyone screaming, throwing her flower at his face.

"What are you two freaking out about?" Agent HUNK asked, suddenly appearing between the two of them just in time for the flower to smack one of his goggles and bounce off harmlessly.

"Captain Ukitake prefers pink flowers, and she's won't believe me!" Sentaro pointed at Kiyone.

"That's because I know for a fact he likes red flowers more!" Kiyone retorted, pointing back at him.

"Aaaah, you two make such a cute couple when you want to kill each other..." Agent HUNK sighed at the cute-ness.

A few seconds of dead silence followed.

Then chaos erupted.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!" Sentaro grabbed the sides of his head and screamed really loud.

"ITS AGENT HUNK!!!!" Kiyone shrieked, reaching for his Zanpakto.

"Ah, this again..." Agent HUNK grumbled.

Sentaro and Kiyone both drew their swords at the same time. They both swung at Agent HUNK's face, but he merely clapped his hands and blinked out of existance. Their Zanpakto's cut through empty air, and clanged together with a shower of sparks. Before either of the Shinigami could react, Agent HUNK appeared in front of them with his arms crossed, shaking his head in frustration. "Why do they always try to kill me? Okay, before you try to attack me again, hear me out..."

"Why should we?" Sentaro growled.

"You're a murderer. We've got no reason to listen to you..." Kiyone snarled.

"Listen to me or I'll mind control you both into cussing out Captain Ukitake," Agent HUNK warned grimly. The two Shinigami stared at him for each other, unsure if they should believe him or not. "Look, I just teleported twice. Do you really think I can't do mind control?"

"Ah, touche..." Sentaro shrugged.

"You don't say touche to something like that. You say touche during an arguement," Kiyone corrected him.

"You two should really consider dating..." Agent HUNK muttered in-audibly. "Anyway, will you listen to me? I promise I won't pull anything..."

"I suppose so..." Sentaro growled, slowly sheathing his sword.

"But if you dare to try anything, we'll kill you," Kiyone warned.

"Heh, like you could..." Agent HUNK scoffed under his breath. "Right, so, here's what I need you to do for me..."

---

"Hehe, I'm Captain of Squad 14, and I've got my own little assistant dude! Life is great!" Sure enough, Dr. Insane-O was enjoying his life for once on this adventure. He was sitting in an alley, waiting for Hanataro to return. As he sat reading an old newspaper article, he overheard a voice from nearby.

"I can't believe this, Nemu. Two Authors in the Seireitei. One's already dead, too! Heh heh, what luck!"

"Indeed, sir. And no one else seems to realize what potential they hold."

"I know! All the research, all the knowlegde, all the power belongs to me! And with just one test research subject, I, Mayuri Kurotsuchi, will be able to harness the powers of an Author for myself! I'll be unstoppable!"

"Now we just have to find one of them, sir."

"What do you mean we? YOU are the one that'll be doing the searching. I'm the one who... Wait..."

"What's wrong, sir?"

"Do you smell that?"

"..."

"It smells like... AN AUTHOR!!!"

The next thing Dr. Insane-O knew, there was a freaky clown-looking guy standing over him. "Hurray, it's Captain Crazy Head!" Dr. Insane-O grinned, blissfully unaware of the situation he was about to be in.

* * *

Ah, that can't be good...

Next chapter: Agent HUNK wants to what? And why is Captain Kurotsuchi being nice to Dr. Insane-O? Read the next chapter to find out!

Thanks for reading, folks!

-Agent HUNK


	13. Beware of Kitsune

Remember those issues I said I'd worked out? Yeah... They didn't work out...

Its been a really screwed up existance for me over the last few months. I kinda lost interest in writing due to some serious family issues I had to deal with. I got kinda depressed for awhile, especially after what could be considered the worst day of my life, which I think it would be best not to discuss here right now. 

But have you ever heard the saying "Its always darkest before the dawn?" Well, its true. I hit rock bottom, and began to claw my way back up. Life started to get better. I became my usual happy self again. And then...

I got a girlfriend! I know... Shocking, isn't it? She's absolutely amazing. She's funny, beautiful, and just as crazy as I am. She's a huge anime fan, too.She especially loves Bleach! And she likes to write fan fiction, no less... Since I met her, I've never been happier. So now, after several months of absence, I've decided to start writing again. You can thank my girlfriend's awesomeness and the constant nagging of my best friend Dr. Insane-O for this, folks...

In fact, due to my girlfriend's awesomeness and her liking of my stories, she'll be showing up in this story as well! Woe unto all who cross her path... Including me! XD 

* * *

Captain Ukitake, leader of Squad 13, was enjoying a peaceful mid-afternoon nap, when suddenly he heard a knocking at his door. His private quarters, located in the midst of his own personal garden, did not recieve visitors often. So as the silver-haired Captain slowly arose from his futon, and put on his Captain's Robe, he could not help but mutter, "I have a bad feeling about this..." 

And his feelings were well founded. Upon sliding open the front door, he discovered his co-3rd seats Sentaro and Kiyone standing before him, with massive grins adorning their faces. "Greetings, Captain Ukitake!" they both exclaimed with a respectful bow. Behind them stood a third person, who's identity was obscured by a large white sheet thrown over his persona. 

"To what do owe the pleasure of a visit from you two?" Captain Ukitake smiled peacefully, ignoring the object behind them.

"We brought you a present!" Kiyone grinned.

"We think you'll like it!" Sentaro commented.

"Well, what is it?" Captain Ukitake arched an eyebrow at the two.

"Me..." stated a voice from beneath the sheet. Kiyone and Sentaro then spun about, gripped the fabric, and ripped it off of the person behind them. The person was revealed to be none other than Agent HUNK, who was wrapped in several layers of rope and chain. "What's up, _mon capitan?_" the Author chuckled.

"YOU!" Captain Ukitake exclaimed, pointing an accusatory finger at the "murderer" in front of him. He then began to cough violently, and sank to his knees clutching his chest. "How dare you... show your face... you murderer!" he managed to gasp between coughs.

"Captain!" the two 3rd seat Shinigami's both gasped as they rushed to their Captain's aid. 

Meanwhile, Agent HUNK managed to wiggle his way out of the ropes and chains, which easily came loose. "I can understand your rage, but please listen to me..." the Author sighed. "I came to speak with you because I know you're the most level-headed Captain I can trust. I know that you'll give me a chance to explain my actions, and then pass the appropriate judgement on me... Correct?" 

Captain Ukitake only glared at the Kevlar-clad man. 

"Hm..." Agent HUNK sighed. He then snapped his fingers, and a bowl of Ramen Noodles appeared in his hand. "What if I give you food?" he asked slyly, holding the steaming bowl of deliciousness in front of the Catpain's nose.

The glare on Captain Ukitake's face dissappeared. "Step into my office..."

--------

"So... let me get this straight..." Captain Mayuri Kurotsuchi, leader of the 12th Squad, groaned as he stared down at the smiling face of Dr. Insane-O. "You're an Author... without Author Powers. Your best friend is Agent HUNK... and you don't know where he is. You're a mad scientist... who wears an indestructable lab coat. And you're Captain of Squad 14... despite the fact that it doesn't exist, and you have no spiritual powers. Am I correct so far?"

"Yep!" Dr. Insane-O chimed. 

"I don't think he'll be much help to us, sir..." Nemu commented quietly from behind Captain Kurotsuchi.

"No, I don't think so, either..." the crazed Captain grumbled.

"Shall I kill him, sir?" Nemu enquired.

"Oh come on baby, why you gotta be like that?" Dr. Insane-O flashed a devilish smile at the Captain's daughter. "I ain't that bad, am I? Don't you wanna at least give me a chance?"

"No, I think I'll let this idiot live for now. He is, after all, a fellow scientist..." Mayuri Kurotsuchi grinned. He then drew his sword, and poked Dr. Insane-O's stomach lightly, albiet with enough force to barely break the skin. Instantly, the Author hit the ground, and did not get up. "But I think I'll let him suffer for awhile, though, just for causing me so much trouble. I think he made my IQ drop several points, in fact... The paralysis of my sword's poison won't wear off for several hours, if not days, due to his weak spiritual and Authorial powers. Come, Nemu! Let us find the other Author, or what's left of him, and use him as our test subject..."

And with that, the Captain and his Luietenant turned and walked away, leaving Dr. Insane-O paralyzed face-down in an alley. "Hellooooo?" Dr. Insane-O groaned once he was all alone. "Captain down... Captain down... Send back-up... Preferably Rukia... Urrrgh..."

--------

Jidanbo the Gate Guard was sitting in front of his gate to the Seireitei, napping peacefully in the afternoon sun. As he enjoyed theserenity of his dreams,a soft voice suddenly permeated his subconscious. "Excuse me... Can I ask you something?" With a snort, the massive Shinigami awoke. He staggered to his feet slowly, and looked down at the person standing in front of him. He arched an eyebrow, unsure of what to make of what he saw.

Standing in front of him, was a young girl in her late teens, wearing blue jeans, a white t-shirt, and a black jacket. Her hair was shoulder-length and semi-curly, and her pretty blue eyes sparkled with innocence. Strangely, a pair of black fox ears protruded from this hair, and she also sported a bushy black fox tail as well. "Hello..." she waved timidly, her voice soft and polite. "I was wondering if you could answer a few questions for me..."

"I don't see why not..." Jidanbo's voice boomed, echoing through the immediate area. "Just don't try to get through the gate, or I'll have to stop you. My name is Jidanbo, and I am the Gate Keeper. What is your name, and how may I be of service to you?"

"My name is Kitsune!" the girl smiled cheerfully. "I'm looking for somebody, actually..."

"Aw..." Jidanbo smiled. "Are you trying to meet a lost loved one on the other side? How sweet..."

"Not exactly..." the girl shook her head. "Have you heard of a guy named Agent HUNK?"

Jidanbo paled. "A... Agent HUNK? What do you know about him?"

"Aha!" Kitsune exclaimed, pointing a finger at the sky. "So he IS here!"

"Yes, he's here!" Jidanbo replied incredulously. "He's the most wanted man alive right now, although there are reports that he's dead..."

"Yeah right..." Kitsune rolled her eyes. "I doubt he'd die here so quickly... He's come out of worse places without a scratch."

"How do you know him?" Jidanbo stared the woman in disbelief. 

"I'm his girlfriend!" she replied with a happy grin. "And I'm here to save him from the Soul Reapers! Or vice versa..."

"So if you find him, you'll take him back to the human world?" Jidanbo continued to stare at her.

"Yeah, pretty much..." Kitsune shrugged.

"THANK YOU!" Jidanbo suddenly yelled. He quickly spun about, grabbed the gate, and lifted it up off the ground. "You may enter! Please, find him as soon as you can, and take him far, far away from here!"

"What has he done, exactly?" Kitsune arched an eyebrow as she passed beneath the gate.

"He killed several Soul Reapers in cold blood, and has eluded even the strongest Captains for several days!" Jidanbo explained. He then released the gate, and allowed it to slam back down behind the girl. "Good luck! And please... HURRY!"

"Hmmm..." Kitsune pondered the situation she was now in. She was trapped in the Seireitei, which would probably end up leading to her getting in trouble. She had to find her boyfriend, and bail him out of whatever trouble he'd managed to get himself into. And of course, there was Dr. Insane-O, who was always fun to deal with. "Hm... I'd better go ahead and track down Agent HUNK..." she sighed. "The sooner I find him, the sooner I can let him know JUST HOW PISSED OFF I AM!" she snarled. "He'd better hope the Shinigamis get him before I do! HAHAHAHAHA!" she cackled insanely,a sadistic grin (similar to the one often worn by Alucard from Hellsing) upon her face. "Ooooh, this is going to be fun..."

* * *

Hide me... EEP!

I doubt anybody cares about this story, but if they do, the next update will be next week. I'll be without a computer for the next few days... But don't worry! The next update won't take 6 months to come about... I hope! XD

Thanks for reading! See ya! 


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